The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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