I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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