Your face is a jimmy john
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
