I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
