Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
