I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
