I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
