I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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