Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
