we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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