he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
