Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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