So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
