wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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