I'm drive I can fine osifer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
