so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
