That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
