if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
