if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
