I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
