i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
