so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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