Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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