I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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