So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
