; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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