I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
