Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
