just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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