imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
