i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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