How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
