my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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