So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize