oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
