I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
