Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
