hotel room ftw
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hippo gnu deer
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
there is glitter all over my balls
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
