OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
