I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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