$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
