I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
