i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
