It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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