Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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