Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
