dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
