Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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