Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
