i think my mom watched the whole time
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
