was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
