WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Enjoy the penises
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
