forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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