we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come share oat with me in your robe
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I see more hoeing in ur future
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
