just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
