That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
