did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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