Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
