I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
