one might say we're banned from that church
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
