How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
