make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My bed smells like the plague
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
