SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
