I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
