I wish I could punch you in the face.
She said her name was "party"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
