dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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