I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
