Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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