You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
