i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
