dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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