WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
