1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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