I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
