would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
