I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
