im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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