saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
