what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Randomize