You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
