He kissed a someone with a penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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