What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
