Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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