Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
