Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
