Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just pee around me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
