Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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