I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
