Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
