He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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