i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
