gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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