I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
