i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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