if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
