He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
