we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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