Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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